FUCK EVERYTHING

FOR THE FIEST TIME IN MY FUCKING LIFE I ACTUALLY HATE EVERYTHING. I NEVER USED TO HATE ANYTHING FUCKING THING, HOWEVER TODAY… I AM HAPPY TO FUCKING ANNOUNCE I AM FUCKING HATING EVERY FUCKING THING! GOT THAT?! I DON’T, I FEEL LIKE FUCKING SCREAMING. I FEEL SO FUCKING HORRIBLE LIKE SOME FUCKING MONISTER. I WANT TO JUST FUCKING DO SOMETHINGN TO JUST EASE EVERYTHING! I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY FUCKING MIND. EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING THIS THIS THIS AND THIS

I WANT EVERYTHING TO FUCKING GO AWAY, YET AT THE SAME TIME I DON’T.

JHAHAAHAHAHAHAHABNAAH

THIS KEYBOARD IS SO FUCKED UP BEING SO BLOODY SMALL

I WANT TO SCREAM DAMMIT… NO ONE UNDERSTANDS A FUCKING THING

NO ONE HEARS A FUCKING THING

NOT ONE PERSON FUCKING UNDERSTANDS

OH SO MUM WALKS INTO MY ROOM, SAYS GOODNIGHT AS SHE NORMALLY DOES, AND SAYS THAT SHE WANTS A HUG BECAUSE SHE FEELS LONELY…. YOU KNOW JACK SHIT MUM! YOU FEEL LONELY?! I FEEL 10X MORE LONELY. I KNOW YOU LOVE ME. I KNOW I’M EVERYTHING TO YOU. I KNOW YOU SAY THAT IF IT WASN’T FOR ME THERE’S NOT POINT IN LIVING. THAT’S ALL GREAT MUM, BUT MY WHOLE LIFE I’VE BEEN SPOILED AND EVERYTHING GREEN AND NICE HAS BEEN HANDED TO ME ON A SILVER PLATTER AND NOW I HATE, FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING GREEN AND NICE AND WARM. I DON’T ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR PROBLEMS. I DONT’ FUCKING GIVE A TOSS ABOUT THIS OR THAT. I HATE EVERYTHING PEOPLE JUST GIVING THINGS TO ME, FOR FUCK SAKE, JUST STOP THAT. I’M A FUCKING LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING PERSON WHO REALLY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS REAL AND WHAT’S NOT, SO JUST LET ME SUFFER IN PEACE AND CAUSE PAIN AND BURDENS FOR MYSELF. THAT’S WHAT I DO DAILY. I DON’T SEE ANY OTHER WAY OF LIVING, SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

NO DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE. COS I ALREADY AM ALONE AND I SJHOULD WANT SOMEONE HERE RIGHT. I DON’T KNOW. HAH WHAT A LOUSY FUCKED UP WORLD. ITS GONA END IN 4 FUCKING YEARS TIME ANYWAY. WHAT’S THE POINT OF FUCKINGN ANYTYHING. NOTHING. WE’LL PROBABLY HAVE SOME FUCKING NUCLEAR WAR, LOTS OF DEATHS. ITS JUST INEVITABLE OR SOEMTHING AINT’ IT. HUMANS NEVER FUCKING LEARN THEIR LESSONS. I AM A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THAT. HAH! WONDERFUL… ME = FAILURE ME = UNCERTAINTY ME = DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING.

YOU THINK YOU’RE ALONE MUM?! HUH?! YEAH WELL MY HEAD FEELS LIKE ITS HAVING ARGUMENTS AND DEBATES WITH ITSELF EVERY FUCKING DAY. I HAVE THOUGHTS THAT JUST GO ROUND AND ROUND IN FUCKING CIRCLES AND I ACTUALLY HAVE DREAMS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE… ONES THAT I CAN ACTUALLY REMEMBER. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT MY PAINTINGS AND PORTRAITS SHOW NO HAPPINESS… I  AM… FAR FROM HAPPY. AND YOU KNOW THE FUNNY THING… I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY. EVERYTHING IS GREAT IN MY LIFE. I HAVE A HOUSE, FAMILY, GOOD ENOUGH HEALTH (THAT I KNOW OF… HAH), HAD A GRRRRREAT EDUCATION (DING DING DING), I GO TO COLLEGE, I’M DOING ART… I CAN DRAW THEREFORE HAVE A TALENT… I HAVE A PC, A CAMERA, PRACTICALLY TWO ROOMS, FOOD IN THE FRIDGE… THERE ISN’T ANYTHING THAT I DON’T NEED. EVERYTHING IS FINE. YET FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, MY HEAD FEELS LIKE ITS NOT SCREWED ON FUCKING RIGHT AND EVERY TIME I STOP DOING SOMETHING, MY MIND IS LIKE THE FUCKING LAW COURT ROOM OR SOMETHING WHERE PEOPLE ARE TALKING NON STOP, TRYING TO PROVE EACH OTHERS POINTS, AND YELLING HERE AND THERE… ITS LIKE.. ID ON’T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE,. BUT ITS FUCKING ANNOYING.

~ by M u s h b o o n on June 22, 2008.